Lack of sleep

soon my lack of sleep for past month is gonna damage my system

having less than 2-3 hrs of sleep each day

mind runs wild , i couldnt find peace in me

i need something that i cant hold on to anymore

help.... 

Destroyed

18 years ago, you made a decision that changed my life.

You were never there for any part of my life.

I stayed strong,positive and determined what i wanted.

i found a place where i belonged and felt loved.

Why did you come back to haunt me.

Why did you have to make me lose everything again

Why are you doing this to me...

Am i born to deserve all these from you....

fuck off!!! i dont need you anymore and stop calling me

I dont need to know anything from you anymore

There is enough damage you have given me.

Reason or excuse

I'm not liking this at all.

If it takes away your anger

Knowing it might not change a thing

I'ts just how you are going to see it

The way you emphasize how much i victimize myself

You are just angry

I tried several times , wanting to talk to you about it.

But I became someone who's yearning for sympathies, a self pitying fool.

You think that's me.

This time your wrong.



T.T

living life with lies should be a better way

Sometimes knowing the truth isnt always the best option in life

We all need a bit of lies to move on

Getting through the pain when truth hurts too

Nothing is easy

Not all can handle the painful truth

I chose to live with lies

Its better off this way

T.T

Saturdays ....

A day that my world collapse.

Stranded....

Scared ....

Relentlessly in search....

Everything seems so familiar.

Yet soul-less

Without the world i used to be in

The place that accepted me with Love

I'm just a soul-less being.

T.T

Pain

We all know pain very well.

No one ever likes pain and getting hurt.

Pain hurts in many ways , physically , mentally or emotionally.

How we deal with pain.

All of us deal with shit differently , especially pain.

Life is all about getting through pain every single day.

Life's goes on , as we all persevere for having the best out of nothing.

Pain goes away , it will be forgotten .

We will just be left with scars to remind us

How we can make it better, stronger and be different.

There's no escape from falling down and getting hurt.

We just go through it,

And someday we will make it.

My pain sticks around for a month now.

Nothing feels more than losing you.

And i know from this pain i learned.

And i know why up till now it still stays in me.

Because i know this is real, this is different , this is something special.

It's you who make me different.

This pain makes us stronger. Much positive and we need to be less negative.

I will do my best .


T.T

Simple

I miss you

T.T

58 weeks of you

If you're gone ....

Baby its time to come home...

cause there's a little bit of something me in everything in you.

Baby.... I miss you ......

 Baby , Come home


T.T

Your not Ok

Something must have happened....

I really hope everything will be OK for you.

I wish nothing more than that.

You will be OK .....


T.T

what the fuck was i thinking

fuck.... i thought you saw my blog...

fuck..... it can't be possible

i tried google the blogs name and it didnt appear at all.

fuck shit.....

fuck .... i really just hope your ok ....

shit ..... oh man ......

arghh... what have i done.....

just being an irritating prick ..... again ...

arrgh fuck!!

shit shit shit

Shit , what have i done now....

I thought you were mad at me for something....

Maybe u saw my shitty blog...

fuck....

I told myself not to text u .... ARGGH!!!

fuck me !

shit shit shit shit......

fuck !@!

FUCK !!..... i miss you so much !!!!!!

What the fuck am i doing !!!

Talking to the moon

I know you r somewhere out there...

Will it ever get to you ....

Talking to the moon


T.T

How do i fight myself

cant fight myself no more

i feel like telling you how much i miss you

i feel so pathetic

i just turn u off being like this

i dont wanna fight no more

i just wanna make u happy like we used to be

i hate myself so much

i miss you so much love....

T.T

We bought a zoo

Just finished watching "We bought a zoo"

Apparently it's a better reason to drop a few tears.

Amazing show.

Somehow i don't know why the whole movie made me think of you so much.

Especially the Zoo logo. Just like your necklace pendant.

I miss you so....


T.T

My Unclear World

Writing here cause there's nothing i can do anymore.

This place is somewhere you might not notice me anymore.

Please know that i tried to make up for my mistakes,

Mistakes i truly regretted, haunting me.

And your moving on .....

I'm with guilt that i killed everything we had.

Im broken along with the road i walk

This is my way that i can leave u alone

The way you wanted me to....

I'll give up everything not to be alone ....

But i don't deserve to love you ....

I wish i still could.

I'm dead inside ....

Please don't forget all that i need is you.....

Is It too late for me to show how much i love you ....

Your my missing page...

Bring me back to life E.T.


T.T

Just Say Yes

I'm running out of ways to make you see 
I want you to stay here beside me  
I won't be okay and I won't pretend I am  
So just tell me today and take my hand
Please take my hand Please take my hand Please take my hand Please take my hand
Just say yes  
Just say there's nothing holding you back 
It's not a test Nor a trick of the mind, 
only love
It's so simple and you know it is, 
We can't be to and fro like this all our lives  
You're the only way to me, the path is clear  
What do I have to say to you for God's sake, dear? 
Just say yes  
only love
Just say yes 'Cause I'm aching and I know you are too  
For the touch Of your warm skin as I breathe you in
I can feel your heart beat through my shirt 
This was all I wanted, all I want
It's all I want It's all I want It's all I want It's all I want  
It's not a test Nor a trick of the mind, only love
Just say yes

Just Say Yes 

Need You Now

Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor
Reachin' for the phone 'cause I can't fight it anymore
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now

Another shot of whiskey can't stop looking at the door
Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now

Guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothin' at all

It's a quarter after one I'm all alone and I need you now

And I said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now

And I don't know how I can do without

I just need you now

Sunday Breakfast

Miss making breakfast in the morning for you.

Pancakes and kiwi hearts.


T.T

Going thru Saturday nights

A night we both used to love.

And now we are picking up the shattered pieces

Memories everywhere.

Do i still cross your mind all the time ?

You did, all the time.

I wish i could do something to make you happier.


T.T

Missing you

Its 7 in the morning.

It gets harder to sleep each day.

What do someone do when they miss someone this much ...

I miss your kisses, your smiles.

Everything starts appearing in my mind, the way you smile. The way we kissed.

Days pass , i know i'm slowly losing u each day.

I can't stop time so our feelings remain. I wish i could.

My hopes and prays, will they work. Is someone there listening?
I hope so , i really do.

I love you......


T.T

I won't

I won't give up even if the skies gets rough

I'll never walk away so easily when i still make the difference.

I won't give up on us

Don't give up too ....


T.T

Insomnia

Couldn't sleep .... it's been days...
How long more will this last ....

What are you doing now .....

I try to stay away from my phone, i miss you so much.

Baby ... come back ....


T.T

Empty space

For hours , just staring at your facebook page.
Knowing that your online.
Looking at all your post.
Just a phone call away

It's seems too far away.

Can this all be just a nightmare.......



T.T.

Week 57 of you

Its our 57th week.
and also
our 3rd week of break up.

I miss you dearly.

T.T

Positivity

HEAVEN KNOWS

Even to be a little positive, you are my reason.
Staying strong to believe for tomorrow, even it's for the slightest chance of seeing you smile again.

Days and weeks passed , Not a single day was easy, it gets harder and harder.

Believe and have Faith.

I will be positive for you even if it doesn't end up the way i wished.
I will still have hope. And will never stop praying.

I miss you.

T.T

Endless thoughts

I can't stop thinking about you.

It's hard .

I will look over you Always.

But i can't do anything more. i wish i could, just not now.

Until your anger for me fades, i wish i can be there.

I miss you E.T

really really bad.


T.T

Over & Over again

I have read your text message over & over again for 30 over times,
each time i read , my heartaches and i couldn't breathe. It's suffocates me.

Its so hard to fight myself , i can't reply, i dont want you to be affected by me anymore.

I have so much to say to you , so much to do with you. I still want to ...

I'm lost in all directions, i need to fix myself and be a better man.
A man that can love you right. I still believe and hope for the day to come and i can make u smile again.
I will work hard E.T

I miss you, every single minute of my life.

I wish i can still go Bali with you someday.

T.T

You could be happy

"You are the world to me, a place where i finally found home.Losing you has made me lost all directions"

Looking back at my last post, i can't but have to let you go, I love you.
All i need is to learn to love you the right way.

It breaks my heart, i wanted to leave without the hate in you for me.
I could no longer make you smile.

Hope, someday i could still make you smile.

For now, i will do what i have promised .

I will not let my feelings affect you anymore, because i know myself.
I can't move on, i dwell and i will harm you emotionally.

I stand up for my feelings for you, its true.

This blog will be back as my sanctuary. A graveyard for my grieves for my regrets , for the hurt i have caused , for the scar that i made.

Baby , i still hope.


T.T